One last blog for extra credit .. AND NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT.. imagine that!!
Anyhow I would like to say thank you for this experiance in blogging, I feel like it has helped me grow as a person and a writer, although I don't seem myself keeping up THIS blog I see myself starting a new blog, from scratch, somewhere I can put all my random thoughts instead of keeping them in my head.
Thank you again for this experiance
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Fearless
I offten get stuck on quotes and or bible verses that I try and live a little more like, for a while now I have been stuck on a quote by Taylor swift about being Fearless.
To me fearless is not the absence of fear, it’s not being completely afraid. To me fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts, lots of them. To me fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again even though you’ve been hurt before. Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want, over and over again, even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think fearless is to fall for your best friend even though he’s in love with someone else and when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing I think it’s fearless to stop believing them. It’s fearless to say you’re not sorry and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. Letting go is fearless. Them moving on and being alright that’s fearless too. But not matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. It’s fearless to believe in love stories, prince charming’s and happily ever afters.”
This is pretty self explanitory and I think just about anyone can relate to it. Maybe you have not been through exactly what she has or what she is explaining but in everyones life there is SOMETHING they want to be fearless about, there is something they wish they didn't fear. I think she says it so well in this quote.
To me fearless is not the absence of fear, it’s not being completely afraid. To me fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts, lots of them. To me fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again even though you’ve been hurt before. Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want, over and over again, even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think fearless is to fall for your best friend even though he’s in love with someone else and when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing I think it’s fearless to stop believing them. It’s fearless to say you’re not sorry and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. Letting go is fearless. Them moving on and being alright that’s fearless too. But not matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. It’s fearless to believe in love stories, prince charming’s and happily ever afters.”
This is pretty self explanitory and I think just about anyone can relate to it. Maybe you have not been through exactly what she has or what she is explaining but in everyones life there is SOMETHING they want to be fearless about, there is something they wish they didn't fear. I think she says it so well in this quote.
Trip to Vegas
This Aug. Me and 3 of my other friends are making a trip to Las Vegas because we'll all be twenty one. I, unfortunately got chosen to be the "coordinator" so I've been trying to utilize my resources in finding the cheapest/best ways to go about things!
First CHEAP TICKETS.COM I found us all tickets out of SOUTHWEST for just over $200 dollars... not bad :)
NEXT the Hotel... I'm trying to decided between a couple hotels.. Treasure Island, Ceasers Island and the Bellagio. We can't all decide on one and they all range about the same price!
We are also deciding what show to see while we are there. I have been there 3 times before so I've done a lot of site seeing but I've never been to any shows the ones we are deciding between are.... The Blue Man group, chippendales or cirque du soleil!
So many options and so much more planning to do. If you have an opinion that can help me to make a decision let me know :)
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Post Christian America?
Not even close. I read an article in the USA Today that was published Monday April 17Th 2009 about the "post christian America" Throughout the article they explore different aspects of Christianity through polls and raw information. The conclusion at the end of the article says that the post christian world is no where near its the questions that are being asked when taking polls on "what religion people are."
It is said that instead of asking people what religion people are we need to start asking people if they are simply a believer in God, or if they are Christian. Just people you don't belong to a denomination doesn't mean your not a christian. More and more people these days are remaining non denominational claiming they are just christian. So is this becoming a post christian America, Not even close.
I couldn't agree with this article more to be honest. I was bored and raised a Lutheran and although when I go home I still attend my Lutheran church I would consider myself more non denominational then anything. I believe religion is simply a segregation to Gods word and its not about the church I attend or the name I put on my Christianity its the relationship I have with God when no one is around that counts
It is said that instead of asking people what religion people are we need to start asking people if they are simply a believer in God, or if they are Christian. Just people you don't belong to a denomination doesn't mean your not a christian. More and more people these days are remaining non denominational claiming they are just christian. So is this becoming a post christian America, Not even close.
I couldn't agree with this article more to be honest. I was bored and raised a Lutheran and although when I go home I still attend my Lutheran church I would consider myself more non denominational then anything. I believe religion is simply a segregation to Gods word and its not about the church I attend or the name I put on my Christianity its the relationship I have with God when no one is around that counts
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tough Love
On VH1 there is a reality show called "Tough Love" which in my opinion is one of the best reality shows out there. And I LOVE reality shows... AKA.. trash TV!!
The show is based on a group of women all with different problems when its comes to dating. Steve Ward, the host of the show, helps the women to over come whatever issue they are faced with whether that be a gold digger, judgemental, whatever it may be. Steve sets them up on numerous dates and gives them goals and things to work on during every date with intensions of helping them form a relationship with one of the men they are matched with.
I think this is a really cool show. Aside from the drama your going to get with every reality show its pretty educational along with entertaining.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Car Accident
We pulled up to the intersection at Lila and Harvell, my sister and I that is. I looked both ways at the leaving and oncoming traffic waiting for the perfect time to cut across.
As I looked to the right I noticed my sisters foot tapping on the floor of my truck and her arm gripped tightly on the “oh shit” handle that hangs above the door.
My focus was lost when I saw her in this silent state of panic. I was taken back, by guilt, to three years ago when this exact intersection would forever haunt me.
BEEP BEEP BEEP! The sound of my alarm clock woke me up at 7:15am only second before the sound of my shower running from my sister who had been in there for fifteen minutes prior to my alarm.
I rolled over hitting the top of my alarm clock in hopes that snoozing it would just turn it off for good, but seven minutes later I was rudely awakened, again.
Five days a week my sister Caitlin and I were comparable to programmed robots doing the same thing every morning before I drove her to school.
The day started with a shower, her first and then I. I would rush to get ready because I of course would rather sleep an extra thirty minutes then spend that time looking in the mirror.
Caitlin and I were three years apart but that never made a difference in our relationship she was highly mature for her age, and I sat at about normal on the maturity level so that made us just about the same. Although we weren’t the type that did everything together the things we did do together meant a lot to
us and we were always inseparable around the house.
Caitlin was always persistent on making sure we left the house in just enough time to get to school at 8:00am.
Driving to school was my favorite part of the day, aside from the fact that it was a three and a half minute drive.
First we would get into my 1994 blue Chevy truck, then we would both put on our seatbelts and if by chance I forgot Caitlin was quick to remind me, the last step of preparation before we took off was Caitlin would roll down the windows and turn on the song we listened to every morning, “If I had one wish” by Ray J. This was the song my sister and I used to loosen up our vocal cords before school; there was something about the music being up so loud where we could hardly hear our own voices that made us think we actually had voices that were worth being heard.
Bellevue East High School awaited me and Caitlin every day at 8:00am she was a freshman and I was a senior so seeing each other throughout the day rarely every happened.
February 13, 2006
This day was different. It all went wrong when I got up at 7:00 instead of 7:22, it was downhill from there not to mention I got dressed up on this particular day. I had just gotten a new outfit, jeans and polo with some jewelry to match and if you knew me in high school this was abnormal in itself.
As my sister and I made our way down to my 1994 blue Chevy we hopped in and that was it, the routine was totally and completely thrown off.
We didn’t buckle up
We didn’t turn on our song
We didn’t roll down the windows to let everyone know we had voices worth hearing
Nothing
There was no explaining why this day was different. Everything from the first things we did to the last, it was different.
I came to the intersection that was nothing more than routine by this point but again, today was different. There was traffic like I had never seen before.
As my sister and I sat in silence we both looked back and forth at the standing traffic that was going east and the “standing/non-existent” traffic going west. In the mean time I was trying to shoot across both lanes of traffic to make it to the other side.
I squinted through the remaining frost that was on my windshield and my windshield wipers that were helping me see. It was my time; my time to make my way across the intersection.
The second my foot hit that gas pedal I knew that as much as I thought it was my time, it wasn’t.
“JACKI!!!!” Caitlin screamed only seconds before the loudest most terrifying sound crept into my truck.
I had no response. I knew what was happening, I could see out of my peripheral vision that there was a car coming our way at approximately thirty-five miles an hour with no intention of slowing down.
Because the traffic going west (closest to me) was stopped because of a red light I assumed the traffic going east was stopped too. It wasn’t.
One thought ran through my head.
How can I get my truck across the intersection without the oncoming car hitting my sister’s door which in any case would kill her.
In the split second I had to think up a game plan, I had it! I was going to swerve out and around the oncoming car leaving not a scratch on my truck, just a couple “PHEW’S” from everyone who saw this near accident.
Well, my plan was half way successful. Only there ended up being a BIG scratch on my truck and my opponent’s car, well; it was practically non-existent after I was done with it. My opponent smashed into the bed of my truck which sent my truck sailing into a pole where my truck came to a halting stop along with my head which hit my window.
I noticed that Caitlin was no longer on her side of the truck anymore, she was sitting right next to me, practically on my lap.
“Are you okay?” I asked Caitlin as I checked her body to make sure she was still intact.
As I was comforting my sister my opponent was outside my passenger seat window furious. As she approached my passenger seat window her face got tighter and her teeth clenched as she demanded I get out of the car.
It was then my adrenaline started pumping and I felt the need to tell this lady just what I thought about her accusation of me doing cookies in the middle of the road only to total her car.
Just as I was ready to jump out of my truck to defend myself my concussion had different plans for me.
“JACKI”!
I turned around with tears in my eyes and vomit half way out of my mouth to see my uncle Toad (I have never known his real name, everyone calls him Toad) to the rescue.
“Its okay, it’s okay. I’ll call your Mom,” he said.
The only thing I could have asked for at a time like this was to see a familiar face. After all I had nearly killed both me and my sister, my truck was about dead, I had a lady accusing me of doing this on purpose and I was crying and throwing up uncontrollably.
My sister and I held each other until my mom got to the scene. The guilt I felt for putting my sister though all of this started to sink in.
Will she ever be the same?
Will she be ok?
Will she be ok to drive when she gets her license?
My mother, the cops and the ambulance all showed up at once. At this point I was scared to get in trouble. What was my mom going to say about the truck I wrecked that had gotten passed down to me by my father? Was I going to get a ticket?
Things started to smooth out after we got the story out in the open for those who didn’t see it. My opponent started to calm down and my parents were just happy to see my sister and me alive. As for the cops they weren’t impressed and I walked away with a wreck less driving ticket.
But that all took a back seat to the guilt that was haunting me for putting my sister through all this. The one thing my sister and I had stronger than most people I know is trust. We trusted each other with everything; we leaned on that to hold our relationship up.
“Relax” I said to Caitlin
I could see her grip loosen from the “oh shit” handle, her hand fell into her lap and her foot slowly came to a stop.
I am the product of my sister not trusting my judgment but for that matter, anyone’s.
I am the reason my sister had nearly a hard attack every time we came to the intersection at Lila and Havell.
I cause her to get tense any time someone stops a little too fast for her liking or tries to make it through a yellow light.
Should I feel guilty three years later because of a few scars and a cramped neck that she gets every now and then? Should my mind jump to February 13th 2006 every time I see her hand slowly meet the handle above her?
Like all scars once they happen they are there to stay. More often than not you forget about the scares that have physically and mentally impacted you. They tend to fade away but sooner or later they will be noticeable.
As I looked to the right I noticed my sisters foot tapping on the floor of my truck and her arm gripped tightly on the “oh shit” handle that hangs above the door.
My focus was lost when I saw her in this silent state of panic. I was taken back, by guilt, to three years ago when this exact intersection would forever haunt me.
BEEP BEEP BEEP! The sound of my alarm clock woke me up at 7:15am only second before the sound of my shower running from my sister who had been in there for fifteen minutes prior to my alarm.
I rolled over hitting the top of my alarm clock in hopes that snoozing it would just turn it off for good, but seven minutes later I was rudely awakened, again.
Five days a week my sister Caitlin and I were comparable to programmed robots doing the same thing every morning before I drove her to school.
The day started with a shower, her first and then I. I would rush to get ready because I of course would rather sleep an extra thirty minutes then spend that time looking in the mirror.
Caitlin and I were three years apart but that never made a difference in our relationship she was highly mature for her age, and I sat at about normal on the maturity level so that made us just about the same. Although we weren’t the type that did everything together the things we did do together meant a lot to
us and we were always inseparable around the house.
Caitlin was always persistent on making sure we left the house in just enough time to get to school at 8:00am.
Driving to school was my favorite part of the day, aside from the fact that it was a three and a half minute drive.
First we would get into my 1994 blue Chevy truck, then we would both put on our seatbelts and if by chance I forgot Caitlin was quick to remind me, the last step of preparation before we took off was Caitlin would roll down the windows and turn on the song we listened to every morning, “If I had one wish” by Ray J. This was the song my sister and I used to loosen up our vocal cords before school; there was something about the music being up so loud where we could hardly hear our own voices that made us think we actually had voices that were worth being heard.
Bellevue East High School awaited me and Caitlin every day at 8:00am she was a freshman and I was a senior so seeing each other throughout the day rarely every happened.
February 13, 2006
This day was different. It all went wrong when I got up at 7:00 instead of 7:22, it was downhill from there not to mention I got dressed up on this particular day. I had just gotten a new outfit, jeans and polo with some jewelry to match and if you knew me in high school this was abnormal in itself.
As my sister and I made our way down to my 1994 blue Chevy we hopped in and that was it, the routine was totally and completely thrown off.
We didn’t buckle up
We didn’t turn on our song
We didn’t roll down the windows to let everyone know we had voices worth hearing
Nothing
There was no explaining why this day was different. Everything from the first things we did to the last, it was different.
I came to the intersection that was nothing more than routine by this point but again, today was different. There was traffic like I had never seen before.
As my sister and I sat in silence we both looked back and forth at the standing traffic that was going east and the “standing/non-existent” traffic going west. In the mean time I was trying to shoot across both lanes of traffic to make it to the other side.
I squinted through the remaining frost that was on my windshield and my windshield wipers that were helping me see. It was my time; my time to make my way across the intersection.
The second my foot hit that gas pedal I knew that as much as I thought it was my time, it wasn’t.
“JACKI!!!!” Caitlin screamed only seconds before the loudest most terrifying sound crept into my truck.
I had no response. I knew what was happening, I could see out of my peripheral vision that there was a car coming our way at approximately thirty-five miles an hour with no intention of slowing down.
Because the traffic going west (closest to me) was stopped because of a red light I assumed the traffic going east was stopped too. It wasn’t.
One thought ran through my head.
How can I get my truck across the intersection without the oncoming car hitting my sister’s door which in any case would kill her.
In the split second I had to think up a game plan, I had it! I was going to swerve out and around the oncoming car leaving not a scratch on my truck, just a couple “PHEW’S” from everyone who saw this near accident.
Well, my plan was half way successful. Only there ended up being a BIG scratch on my truck and my opponent’s car, well; it was practically non-existent after I was done with it. My opponent smashed into the bed of my truck which sent my truck sailing into a pole where my truck came to a halting stop along with my head which hit my window.
I noticed that Caitlin was no longer on her side of the truck anymore, she was sitting right next to me, practically on my lap.
“Are you okay?” I asked Caitlin as I checked her body to make sure she was still intact.
As I was comforting my sister my opponent was outside my passenger seat window furious. As she approached my passenger seat window her face got tighter and her teeth clenched as she demanded I get out of the car.
It was then my adrenaline started pumping and I felt the need to tell this lady just what I thought about her accusation of me doing cookies in the middle of the road only to total her car.
Just as I was ready to jump out of my truck to defend myself my concussion had different plans for me.
“JACKI”!
I turned around with tears in my eyes and vomit half way out of my mouth to see my uncle Toad (I have never known his real name, everyone calls him Toad) to the rescue.
“Its okay, it’s okay. I’ll call your Mom,” he said.
The only thing I could have asked for at a time like this was to see a familiar face. After all I had nearly killed both me and my sister, my truck was about dead, I had a lady accusing me of doing this on purpose and I was crying and throwing up uncontrollably.
My sister and I held each other until my mom got to the scene. The guilt I felt for putting my sister though all of this started to sink in.
Will she ever be the same?
Will she be ok?
Will she be ok to drive when she gets her license?
My mother, the cops and the ambulance all showed up at once. At this point I was scared to get in trouble. What was my mom going to say about the truck I wrecked that had gotten passed down to me by my father? Was I going to get a ticket?
Things started to smooth out after we got the story out in the open for those who didn’t see it. My opponent started to calm down and my parents were just happy to see my sister and me alive. As for the cops they weren’t impressed and I walked away with a wreck less driving ticket.
But that all took a back seat to the guilt that was haunting me for putting my sister through all this. The one thing my sister and I had stronger than most people I know is trust. We trusted each other with everything; we leaned on that to hold our relationship up.
“Relax” I said to Caitlin
I could see her grip loosen from the “oh shit” handle, her hand fell into her lap and her foot slowly came to a stop.
I am the product of my sister not trusting my judgment but for that matter, anyone’s.
I am the reason my sister had nearly a hard attack every time we came to the intersection at Lila and Havell.
I cause her to get tense any time someone stops a little too fast for her liking or tries to make it through a yellow light.
Should I feel guilty three years later because of a few scars and a cramped neck that she gets every now and then? Should my mind jump to February 13th 2006 every time I see her hand slowly meet the handle above her?
Like all scars once they happen they are there to stay. More often than not you forget about the scares that have physically and mentally impacted you. They tend to fade away but sooner or later they will be noticeable.
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